~0 PLAYS KXCHANGKD, 



PS 3503 ______^_^____^________^ 

■-" ^ER'5 Edition 

Copy 1 



or PLnY:5 



ON THE QUIET 



Price, 25 Cents 




Jl^ UJ. Pinero's Plays 

Price» 50 e;ents Eacb 



THF A M A yON^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five f e- 
lOCi f\.l"lAt«V/liiJ males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not 
difficult. Plays a full evening. 

THE CABINET MINISTER IZZ. 'S,„?Te,.tS: S 

tumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening- 

riANHY niPK" Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- 
LfnlJU I LrlvIV. males. Costumes, modern; scenery, two inte- 
riors. Plays two hours and a half. 

TIIV r'AV I HRn niTFY comedy in Four Acts. Four males, 
iniL U/\I LiV/IVU V£U£iA ten females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. 

UTC UniTCIT TM ni?ni7D Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, 
niiJ nUUOE. Ill UAUEiIV four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

TUI7 UflRRV UnPQIT Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, 
inC ntlDDl flUlViJEi five females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. 

IpiC Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
IIVIO modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

I AflY RfllTNTIFITI Play in your Acts. Eight males, seven 
Lti^^U I DWUillirULt females. Costumes, modern; scen- 
ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. 

I FTTY I^rama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five 
^•^* * * females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. 
Plays a full evening. 

TIIF MAnQTUATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, 
IflEi lUi\U10 1 1\/\ 1 £• four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

l^alter ^. ?lafeer & Companp 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



ON THE QUIET 

A Comedy in Two Acts 



By 

GLADYS RUTH BRIDGHAM 

Juthor of "v/ Regular Rah ! Rah ! Boy,'' '-'Leave 
it to Polly;' ''Cupid* 5 Partner,'' "Her First Assign- 
ment," "A Case for Sherlock Holmes" "Ring- 
around-a-Rosie," "A Regular Scream" " Three of 
a Kind:;' "The Turn in the Road," "The ^een 
of Hearts" etc. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO, 

1915 



ON THE QUIET 



CHARACTERS 



William Hastings, a reporter. 

Thomas Englund, attorney -at- law. 

Dr. Edward Curtis. 

David Curtis ) ^ 4i j- i 

Harland Wilkins I Darmouth freshmen. 

Harry Strickland. 

Vincent Calhoun. 

George Jefferson Henry Lee, his valet. 

Jeremiah Hincks, constable. 

Sam Hincks, his so7i, a guide. 

Jason LeBeau, a trapper. 

Arthur Hatch, postmaster and storekeeper at Kimbal Corners. 

Plays One Hour and a Half. 

Scene. — Room in a hunting camp on the shore of Massebecco 
Lake, Maine woods. 




Copyright, 1914, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 

©cm 387i:"> 
NOV -6 1914 



On the Quiet 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Room in a hunting camp on the shore of Masse- 
becco Lake, Maine woods. Exits r., l. and c. Dining 
table and chairs. A table at R. with a reading la?np, books, 
papers and so forth. There should be a fireplace and several 
mounted heads on the walls. One head is absolutely neces- 
sary. Rifles and fishing tackle. 

{As curtain rises Sam Hincks is discovered cleaning a rifle. 
Sam is a country boy about seventeen, speaks with a drawl, 
and is very deliberate in his movements. Thomas Englund 
enters "s.., followed by William Hastings. Hast, should 
be very pale, very nervous, and his movements are quick 
and rather jerky. He has the appearance of being keyed 
up to the highest pitch.') 

Eng. Sam, did you get my fishing tackle ready? 

Sam. Yes, sir. It's right here. 

Hast. I say, Tom, I'm going, too ! I am getting sick of 
this lay around and sleep business. 

Eng. I don't doubt it, but that's what you need, you know. 

Hast. Piffle ! Sam, you find my fishing tackle, and 

Sam {in innocent surprise). Have you got some, Mr. 
Hastings? 

Hast, {wrathfully). Have I got some? Well, what do 
you think, you 

Eng. There, Billy, don't get mad. You know how much 
I would like to have you go along, but I would never dare to 
do it without Ned's consent. 

Hast. Ned's a fuddy ! I'm going, and that's all there is 
toit ! 

Eng. Now, Billy, listen, please ! That's a good fellow. 

3 



4 ON THE QUIET 

You know it's absolutely necessary for you to be quiet for a few 
days longer, and to have perfect rest. 

Hast. Quiet I Rest 1 If you say those words again I 
won't answer for the consequences. When Ned bamboozled 
me into coming into this howling wilderness, I didn't agree to 
bury myself alive. What in heaven's name ? 

Eng. Billy, I beg of you not to excite yourself ! You fully 
realize how necessary it is for you to be calm. Ned says you 
are a whole lot better. Don't undo what he has done for you. 
If you will just make up a little more sleep 

Hast. A little more sleep? What do you think I am? 
Sleep? Why, Rip Van Winkle didn't have anything on me ! 

Eng. (^firmly), I repeat, a little more sleep ! Why, then, 
you will be out fishing with me in a few days. 

Hast, {scornfully). Fishing? With you? I'd sleep then 
for fair. I'm going by myself, and I bet I'll catch something 
besides a measly little pickerel. 

Eng. I'll have better luck this time. I bet I'll land a 
whale. 

Hast. I hope you do, and that he will bite you. 

\^Exit R. , and slams door after him. 

Sam. He sounds to me as if he was getting better, Mr. 
Englund. 

Eng. Yes, judging by any ordinary disease. You see his 
case IS diflferent. It's his nerves that's troubling him, and that's 
why he is so peevish. You probably can't sympathize, Sam. 
I don't suppose your nerves ever troubled you. 

Sam. No, sir, I can't say as how they ever did. Do you 
really think it would hurt Mr. Hastings to go out fishing ? 

Eng. Well, it doesn't seem so, but I'm no authority. Dr. 
Curtis has given strict orders that Billy shall keep absolutely 
still, and he mustn't be excited under any condition. Remem- 
ber that ! If we really do catch a whale he mustn't know it. 
{Goes to door, r.) I say, old man, you aren't sore at me, are 
you ? You'll be around with us in a few days, you know, 
and 

Hast, (throwing a shoe from the other room). I hope you 
choke ! 

Eng. {dodging the shoe). Come on ! I guess it's time for 
us to be going. 

{They pick up fishing tackle and exeunt, c.) 
Enter Hast., r. 



4 



ON THE QUIET 5 

Hast. Rest ! Quiet 1 I'll start something around here that 
will make them think it is Fourth of July all the year rouml. 
{Speaks to a head on the wall.') Do you hear, old fellow ? If 
they are going to keep me quiet I will make excitement enough 
for them to even things up. {Sits down at table ; writes; 
moves a chair tinder the head ; stands in the cJiair and fastens 
the note he has written to one of the horns.) I'here ! To you, 
my friend, shall be all the honors. You shall explode the bomb 
which will shatter our quiet and rest. {Steps downfro7n chair ; 
bows gravely to the head.) Adieu, Alonzo ! I depart to sit in 
a sleepy hollow, under a weeping willow, and read Gray's 
Elegy written in a country churchyard. 

{Picks lip a hat and a book afid exits c. Slight pause.) 

Enter David Curtis ^//^Harland Wilkins, c. They carry 
several packages 7vhich they place on the table. Curt. 
goes to door, R., and looks in. 

Curt. Mr. Hastings ! ( Walks back to center of room.) 
No, he isn't here. 

WiLK. Out in the hammock, probably. 

Curt. Yes. Gee ! It's tough lines for an active man like 
Mr. Hastings to go to pieces as he has. It isn't to be won- 
dered at after all he has accomplished. He's a wonder ! 

WiLK. Did you know him before we came down here ? 

Curt. Only a little. He was one of Ned's chums at 
Dartmouth, but you see, my brother is so many years older 
than I that I never knew any of his friends very well. I know 
this one by reputation all right. Imagine being such a star on 
a big Boston daily that the editor will eat out of your hand. 

WiLK. His specialty was murder cases, wasn't it? 

Curt. Yes. In this last big Farron trial he beat the de- 
tectives, apprehended Farron and caused his arrest. Ned told 
me that for nearly three weeks he wouldn't go to bed at all. 
Worked day and night. This break was coming, and he was 
almost insane over the case, and when it was finished he went 
to pieces. 

WiLK. Your brother thinks he is improved ? 

Curt. Yes. Say, I'm tired ! It's some walk over to Kim- 
bal Corners. Let's have a look at the mail. 

WiLK. Good idea ! {Takes sotne letters from his pocket.) 
Here we are ! {Sorts the letters over.) Dr. Curtis ! Dr. 
Curtis. Englund. Wilkins. That's from Tom Bigelow. Jubt 



6 ON THE QUIET 

think ! He is spending his whole vacation at college trying to 
get enough into his head to work off a condition. 

Curt. That's not a bad idea. I'll bet it's quiet up in 
Hanover this week. Tom would never be able to get away with 
it when the fellows are around. He's too popular. Isn't there 
anything there for me ? 

WiLK. I think so. Let me see ! Englund ! Hastings. 
Englund. Here you go ! {Ha7ids him a letter.') It's from 
Dolly. I will read mine while you go into your usual daily 
trance. 

Curt. Forget it ! ( Opens his letter and begins to read. ) 

WiLK. {opejiing a letter). Say, what do you know ? Mother 
is worrying about you. She's afraid when we are out in the 
woods some day I will accidentally shoot you. Huh ! She 
had better worry about me. She would have nervous prostra- 
tion if she could watch your shooting for a while. 

Curt. I suppose you imagine that you are funny. {Goes 
on ivith his letter. Wilk. Jitiishes his ; stretches back in his 
chair with his arms back of his head ; suddenly discovers the 
paper fastened to the head on the wall. Curt, looks upfront 
his letter.) What in thunder are you looking at? 

Wilk. Does it look to you as if there was something white 
sticking to one of those horns, or is it the way the light 
strikes it ? 

Curt, {looking up at head). There's something there ! 
That's odd. I've admired that head a good many times during 
the last week, but I never noticed anything there. 

{.Pushes a chair tinder the head and steps onto it ; removes 
the paper from the horn.) 

Wilk. What is it ? 

Curt. Only a piece of paper, but I don't see how it came 
'way up here. {Opens it.) Why, Harl, it's a note ! 

Wilk. {in surprise). It is ? 

Curt, {stepping down from chair). Yes. Heavens ! What 
a scrawl ! 

Wilk. Who is it to ? What does it say ? 

Curt. I'm sure I don't know who it is to, and I'm blamed 
if I can tell what it says. It looks about like a Chinese laundry 
check. 

Wilk. In that case you want to begin at the bottom and 
read up. 

Curt, {reading). '< Out of my — my — my " 



ON THE QUIET 7 

WiLK. Oh, my ! 

Curt. Say, if you are so darned bright, read it yourself. 

(^Hands him the paper.) 

WiLK. Why, certainly! (Reads.) ''Out of my — my — 

my " {Hands it back.) Here! You were doing well ; 

you had better go on. I think, anyway, that a girl wrote it, 
and Vm not used to girls' writing. 

Curt. Like fun you're not ! Let me see, where was I ? 

{Reads.) "Out of my — anguish !" That's it ! "Anguish 

and fear " Gee! It's something dramatic! "I am — 

am — am writing this message and leaving it here, hoping — 
against hope that — that one of you young gentlemen will find 

it and it will lead you to — to — to " Where in the deuce 

is this to lead us? Oh, yes ! " Lead you to act in the cause 
of justice. A horrible crime has been committed. The — the 
perpetrator has been here once wiiile you slept. He will come 
again. He has a reason." That is underlined. " Take this 
as a warning from one who dares not speak. Watch and bring 
the criminal to justice ! He is not alone. He has an — an — 
an accomplice. George is with him." Well, for the love 
of Who in the deuce did that? 

WiLK. (disgusted). Some one must think we are an easy 
crowd here to swallow in a mess like that. 

Curt. Does some one think this is a joke ? I don't even 
see the point. Wouldn't it make you sick ? A regular school- 
boy's trick ! 

WiLK. {uneasily). Why, of course it must be I There 
couldn't be any truth in this. 

Curt, {beginning to get nervous). No, of course not ! Still, 
if there should be? Good heavens! But then, of course, if 
any crime had been committed around here we should certainly 
have heard of it. 

WiLK. Yes, of course. Sam would certainly know about 
it. His father is a constable, you know. 

Curt. Yes, of course. Still, I would like to show this to 
some one. 

WiLK. And get well laughed at. 

(Jeremiah Hincks knocks at door.) 
Curt. Come in ! 

Enter HiNCKS, c. 



8 ON THE QUIET 

HiNCKS {very much excited). Sam been't here? 

Curt. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Hincks ? No, Sam isn't 
here just now. I don't know where he is. Do you, Harl ? 

WiLK. No, I don't. Do you want to see him right off? 
If you can wait a while probably he will be in before long. 

Hincks. Wal, gosli all scissors ! I want ter see him as 
soon's possible. I got a tree-mendous case on my hands, and I 
got ter hev all the help I kin git. You ain't heern about the 
murder, hev yer ? 

Curt*. [ (^^S^^^^^)- Murder? 

Hincks. Yes, sir ! Murder ! Cold-blooded, high-handed, 
fiendish outrage ! 

Curt. } (^^.."^^^^O- Who? 

Hincks. Jason LeBeau, a trapper over tother side the lake. 

Curt. Where was he murdered? 

Hincks. In the back. 

Curt. Back of what ? 

Hincks. His own back, of course. What be the matter 
with you? 

Curt. Oh, no, no ! Where was he? In his shack? 

Hincks. Oh, yep ! 

WiLK. {looking at Curt.). Only a little ways from here. 

Hincks. Yep ! I wants ter see this 'ere newspaper feller 
that's a-stoppin' here, an' git some advice. 

Curt. Mr. Hastings ? Oh, no, you can't say anything to 
him about it. My brother would commit another murder 
right here if you did. 

Wilk. Mr. Hastings is a sick man. 

Hincks. Wal, p'raps he be, but he don't look it. I've 
heern how he wuz all-fired smart in murder cases. 

Curt. He is ! That's the trouble with him ! He's got to 
have quiet and rest, and you mustn't so much as whisper the 
word murder when he is around. 

Wilk. No, he mustn't know anything about this under any 
condition. Dave, I think we had better tell Mr. Hincks what 
we have found. 

Curt. Yes, that's right. Mr. Hincks, we found this note 
fastened to one of those horns up there. We thought it was a 
joke, but now, of course, we can see that it isn't. Is there any 
girl, an educated girl, who could be mixed up in LeBeau's 
murder ? 



ON THE QUIET 9 

HiNCKS. Wal, yep, there could be ! He wuz goin' ter be 
married this month to Irene Bolaiux, a Canadian gal, and she's 
right smart all right. She went to a sister's school up in 
Can ad y. 

WiLK. Does she know her way around here ? 

HiNCKS. Land o' Goshen, yes ! She knows the woods, 
and is about's good a trapper as Jason wuz. 

w!lk I (f^S^^^^r). She's the one ! 

HiNCKS. Wal, gosh all scissors ! She wouldn't kill LeBeau. 
She's some fiery, but she wouldn't never git mad enough fer 
thet. She wuz too tarnation gone on him. 

WiLK. We didn't mean that she killed him. Here, read 
this. {Ha?ids him the ?wte.) 

HiNCKS. What ? Me ? Read this tarnation scrawl ? Gosh 
all scissors ! 

Curt. Let me have it ! We managed to puzzle it out. 

{He reads the note to Hincks.) 

HiNCKS (very much upset). Wal, gosh all scissors! Land 
o' Goshen ! I'm weaker' n a rag doll ! 

WiLK. Have you any idea who George is ? 

HiNCKS. Nope, I ain't ! 

Curt. Why in thunder did he come here, and what is he 
coming back for ? 

HiNCKS. If — if we could jest speak ter Mr. Hastin' 'bout 
it 

WiLK. Well, we can't ! 

Curt. You must get that idea out of your head. 

WiLK. The thing for you to do is to telephone to the city 
for help on the case. 

Hincks. Yep! Thet's right! I mout's well be movin' ! 
I'll go down ter Simpson's an' use their telephone, and then 
come back here after Sam. 

Curt. We will go out and find Mr. Englund. My brother 
will be along soon and we all will get busy on the case. Per- 
haps we can land the criminal for you before any one gels here 
from the city. 

Hincks. Mebbe ! Mebbe ! 

WiLK. It would be the making of you, wouldn't it, Mr. 
Hincks? 

Hincks. Yep ! I reckon 'twould I Gosh all scissors ! I 
never wuz so excited since the day I wuz made a constable ! 



10 ON THE QUIET 

{They exeunt c. Slight pause. George Lee knocks at 
door. Knocks again. Opens door, enters, looks cau- 
tiously about.) 

Lee. 'Scuse me ! 'Scuse me ! I hopes ter goodness yo'-all 
pahdon mah obstrusion into yo' -all's house. {Goes to door, l., 
afid kfiocks.) 'Scuse me ! 'Scuse me ! [Listens a second, 
goes to door, r., and knocks.) 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me! 
{Listens.) Well, I 'clares ter goodness! {Goes to door, c, 
and looks out.) Mr. Calhoun, sah, dey ain't nobody here. 

Vincent Calhoun {outside). Are you sure ? 

Lee. Yas, sah ! Dey ain't, sah I Shu's yo* borned ! Dis 
ain't nobody's house ! 

Enter Cal., c. He wears a raincoat which comes Just below 
the top of his stockings showing that he isn't wearing any 
trousers. • 

Cal. Why, of course it's somebody's house, you black 
monstrosity ! Every house belongs to somebody, and some- 
body must be occupying this at the present time or the frontdoor 
wouldn't be so obligingly left unlocked. 

Lee. Wal, I don' see no reason why anybody would be 
a-stayin' here. Dis ere place don' 'peal ter me at all. 

Cal. Of course not ! The grandeur of these primeval for- 
ests doesn't thrill your soul. 

Lee. No, sah, I reckon it don* do nothin' like yo'-all say. 
Mr. Calhoun, sah, if yo' please, sah, what is yo'-all gwine 
ter do? 

Cal. I'm hanged if I know ! 

Lee. Yo'-all 'scuse me, sah, but I sticks to it, if we's gwine 
down to de village, yo'-all bed suttinly bettah wear mah pants. 

Cal. How many times have I told you to say trousers ? 

Lee. Yes, sah, trouses, sah. I suttinly tinks, sah, dat if 
one ob us is gwine ter trabble widout half dey clothes, it bed 
suttinly bettah be me. I tinks it would look bettah, sah. Inevah 
heard o* nobody by de 'stinguished name o' Calhoun a-cuttin' 
no sech figur as yo'-all is jes* at present, sah. 

Cal. No, I reckon probably you never did, but as far as 
appearance goes I am inclined to think that I am not cutting 
any more ludicrous figure now than I would be if I was wear- 
ing your clothes. 

Lee. Wal, I don' know nothin' 'bout the cussiness pat ob 



ON THE QUIET II 

it. I don' blame yo'-all fo' swearin', sah. Yo'-all 'scuse me, 
sah, but I tinks dat even if mah pants ain' as stylish as yo'-all's 
wuz, dey is a trifle bettah dan no pants at all. 'Pears ter me 
dey is. Ob course if yo'-all waits a lil while somebody may 
come in an' yo'-all can explain. 

Cal. Explain? Explain that I went in swimming and you 
went to sleep and let some one come along and steal my trou- 
sers ? That's a bright sounding story, George. They will ar- 
rest us for a pair of hobos or lunatics, I don't know which. 
If they run us in I haven't money enough to bail us out. 
Every cent I had was in those trousers. Why in thunder did 
they take just my trousers? Why didn't they take my other 
clothes? Or if it was the money they wanted, why didn't they 
have decency enough to take it and leave my trousers ? 

Lee. Wal, sah, 'scuse me, sah, but 'pears ter me I wouldn' 
worry 'bout why they-all took yo' pants. De facts am dat dey 
done took dem, an' what is yo'-all gwine ter do? I has a lil 
money. I reckon 'bout two dollars an' thirty-nine cents, but 
dat am a scanlously small sum to 

Cal. It's enough to have a telegram sent to the city, and 
the bank will telegraph some money back to me. The ques- 
tion is how to get up nerve enough to appear in the village this 
way. 

Lee. If yo'-all waits long enough, p'raps somebody'U come 
in an' dey'll lend yo'-all a pair ob pants. 

Cal. Great idea, George ! I wonder I didn't think of that. 
That's just what somebody will do if they've got a pair to lend, 
but they won't wait to come in. They are going to lend them 
right now ! {Starts for door, i..) 

Lee. Fo' de Ian', Mr. Calhoun, what yo'-all gwine ter do? 
Yo' ain't gwine ter pinch somebody's pants ? 

Cal. No, I'm going to borrow somebody's trousers. Don't 
let your conscience trouble you. I will return them to-mor- 
row. You keep watch, George. [Exit, l. 

Lee (very much upset). Fo' de Ian' ! (Calls.) Mr. Cal- 
houn, s'pose somebody comes, what'U I do? I cain't tell dem 
yo'-all's borryin' dey trouses. 

Cal. (from room, l.). Oh, I've found a lovely pair, 
George ! Classy ones ! 

Lee (glanchig ufi easily torvard the door). Fo' de Ian', Mr. 
Calhoun, yo'-all hurry ! Jes' s'pose somebody did come in ! 
What'lllsay? 

Cal. Tell them I'm dressing for dinner. 



12 ON THE QUIET 

(Arthur Hatch knocks at door. Opens it and enters.') 

Lee {thoroughly frightened). Oh, fo' he Ian' ! 'Scuse me, 
sah ! 'Scuse me ! I — I 

Hatch. Is Mr. Hastings in ? 

Lee. No, sah, I — 1 — 1 reckon he ain't. 

Hatch. Well, is Dr. Curtis here ? 

Lee. N-N-No, sah, I reckons he ain't here either. Is yo'-all 
sick? 

Hatch. No, I'm not sick. Who are you ? Do you work 
for Mr. Hastings ? 

Lee. N-N-No, sah. Mah name's Lee. George Jefferson 
Henry Lee, an' I works fo' Mr. Calhoun, sah, an' 

Enter Cal., l. He still wears his raincoat^ but it is thrown 
open revealing a pair of very light gray trousers. He 
stops abruptly when he sees Hatch. 

Hatch. Oh, it's you, Mr. Strickland? Have you just 
arrived ? 

Cal. Ye-es, I have just arrived. 

Hatch. It is some years since I have seen you, but I'm 
glad to meet you again. {Shakes hands with hi?n.') I heard 
you had come down here, so I came over to explain things to 
you. You found the camp open and being occupied ? Well — 
er — I don't suppose your father knows you are here? 

Cal. No, I hardly think he does. 

Hatch. Well, perhaps you don't know, but I let this place 
for him whenever I have the chance. Just now there is a 
party of young men here. I really hope you don't mind. 

Cal. Not at all. I will go at once. 

Hatch {hastily). Oh, that won't be necessary, I'm sure. 
(Hast, enters C, and regards them with surprise.) Oh, 
here's Mr. Hastings, now ! Mr. Hastings, this is Mr. Strick- 
land. His father owns this camp. Of course when he came 
down here to-day he didn't know the place was let. I was just 
telling him that I was sure you wouldn't object to his making 
one of your party. 

Hast, {in astonishment). Why — er 

(Lee makes an inarticulate sound, and Cal. tur?is to look 
at him.) 

Hatch {very much' in earnest y in a swift aside to Hast.) 



ON THE QUIET I3 

Pretend you are pleased. Make him stay ! It's got to be 
done. 

Hast, {taking the cue from YiATCn) . Why, of course you 
are welcome in your father's house, Mr. Strickland. 

Cal. I wouldn't dream of intruding. 

Hast. Who is this colored fellow? Your valet? 

Hatch. Oh, no, he isn't with Mr. Strickland. He works 
for Mr. Cal — somebody. 

Lee. Calhoun, sah. 

Hast. Well, what are you doing in here? Where is Mr. 
Calhoun ? 

Lee (desperately, looking from one to the other). I 'clare 
ter goodness I don' know ! 

Hast. Don't know? What do you mean? Where did 
you come from? 

Lee. Wal, yo' see, sah, I was done huntin' in de woodses 
wid Mr. Calhoun an' — an' — an' 

Hatch {with a laugh). And you lost him. You might as 
well own up to it. That's getting to be a pretty common story. 
There's been half a dozen lost their way around here lately. 

Hast, {to Lee). You go down on the shore and yell for 
Sam Hincks. He's out on the lake somewhere fishing, but I 
don't think he is very far away. He is a guide, and he will 
help you search. If you don't succeed in finding Mr. Calhoun, 
come back here and we will enlarge the searching party. We 
mustn't allow any one to spend the night in the woods. It's no 
joke. {As Lee hesitates.) Go ahead ! Hurry ! It's begin- 
ning to grow dusk now. 

Lee {with a look at Cal., moving sloivly toward the door). 
Yes, sah. 

Cal. {quickly). Let me go and help. 

Hast. Oh, it isn't necessary. I imagine Sam can find him. 
You come right in here and remove your coat and wash up for 
supper. ( Walks him toward door, l.) 

Cal. But I 

Hast. Not a word ! You are going to be a guest in your 
father's home. ( Walks him through door, l. ; closes door and 
returns to Hatch. Lee exits c.) Now, will you tell me the 
meaning of this performance of yours? We hired this place 
and paid for it in advance. Why have we got to keep this fel- 
low here ? 

Hatch. Gee ! I hate to tell you. Dr. Curtis would kill 
me. He said you mustn't be disturbed about anything. But 



14 ON THE QUIET 

good heavens, there's no other way. I'll have to tell you on 
the quiet. This fellow is loony. 

Hast, {astonished). Loony? Strickland? 

Hatch. Yes, it's dreadful. He used to come here with his 
father, and once he had a long sickness here. When he got 
better his mind was affected. He's been in a sanitarium for 
several years, and yesterday he escaped. The officials called 
me up to-day and told me to keep a look out for him, because 
lately he's been babbling about the Maine woods and his father's 
camp, and they rather thought he would come this way. They 
are following him, and I'll drive right back to the store and 
telephone to them that he is here, and to come for him. There's 
no way but for you to keep him here for a few hours. You 
aren't afraid, are you ? 

Hast. Well, not so you would notice it ! What a pity ! 
He's a fine-looking fellow, and appears perfectly sane. I 
should say he was quite harmless. 

Hatch. Oh, yes, he is harmless. They have always hoped 
for a cure. I haven't seen him for several years and he looks 
a good deal older and a good deal thinner than he used to. 
There is one peculiarity of his disease. He's anybody that 
you tell him that he is, and agrees with everything you say to 
him. If you should tell him he was king of England, emperor 
of Germany, and president of the United States, he would say, 
yes, that he was all three. Well, I've got to be going. I hope 
this won't hurt you any, Mr. Hastings, but I don't see what 
else I could do. 

Hast. Don't let that worry you ! I'm not half as sick as 
they make me out to be. I'll look after Strickland and won't 
say anything about his mental condition if I can help it. Dr. 
Curtis would be so worried he would put me to bed again and 
feed me on gruel. 

Hatch. You look a lot better than you did a week ago. 

Hast. Thanks. I am better. 

Hatch. I'll get some one down here just as soon as I can. 

Hast. All right. Good-bye. (Hatch exits c. Hast. 
glances uneasily at door, l. ; looks up at head on the wall.') 
By Jove, Alonzo, you have delivered my message already. 
Good work, old sport ! Things are looking up ! Rest and 
quiet, Alonzo, are all right in their place, but they 

{Enter Hincks, c. Looks cautiously about.) 
Hincks. Mr. Hastings ! 



ON THE QUIET I5 

Hast. Oh, it's Mr. Hincks, isn't it? How do you do? 
Do you want to see Sam ? 

Hincks. Wal, no. It wuz you I wanted ter see. 

Hast. Good enough ! I feel just like having callers. 
(^Glances again toward door, l.) Sit down. 

Hincks. I don't know as I oughter talk ter you. Do you 
feel very sick, Mr. Hastings ? 

Hast. Not at all. I'm fit as a fiddle. 

Hincks. And you think I won't hurt yer none if I talk to 
yer fer a while ? 

Hast. Certainly not ! Talk right along, Mr. Hincks ! 

Hincks. Wal, gosh all scissors ! I hope I ain't doin' yer 
no harm, but there's somethin* I want ter tell yer on the quiet. 

Hast. That sounds interesting. Go right ahead. 

Hincks. Wal, I want ter show yer this note. If you think 
yer can't figger it out I kin tell yer what it says. 

Hast. {leani?ig forward to hide his face). I guess I can 
manage. I am quite a handwriting expert. {Pretends to read 
note.) Why— why, Mr. Hincks ! How surprising ! 

Hincks. Sh ! Hush ! Don't you get excited ! If you do, 
thet doctor feller will just naturally want ter knock the stuffins 
outen me ! 

Hast. But this is most important, Mr. Hincks ! 

Hincks. Now ! Now ! Don't yer get excited ! I jest 
want ter git some advice from yer. If I could ketch this rascal 
it would be the makin* uv my repertation. There be some 
fellers in this county thet thinks my bein' a constable is a huge 
joke. I want ter prove fer once thet I'm onto my job ! 

Hast. Good for you ! Now, first of all, where did you get 
this message, or warning, it appears to be ? 

Hincks. Wal, them two young fellers thet's a-stayin' here 
with you 

Hast. Dave and Harland Wilkins ? 

Hincks. Yep, them's the ones. Wal, they found this stickin' 
ter one o* them horns up there. 

Hast. What? Found here? Right here in this room? 

Hincks. Now, don't get excited ! Keep cool, like me. 
Yep, it was found right here. 

Hast. How perfectly astonishing, Mr. Hincks ! 

Hincks. Yep ! Ain't it ? In all yer experience did yer 
ever hear a case like it ? 

Hast. Never. I suppose the boys are quite excited over it. 

Hincks. Wal, yer kin jest bet ! I wanted ter tell yer right 



l6 ON THE QUIET 

off but they didn't dare ter do it. They're goin' ter tell Mr. 
Englund and the doctor, and they are all goin' ter work on it, 
but I knew one word from you wuz better' n a hundred from 
any uv them. 

Hast. Thanks. 

HiNCKS. Now, if you wuz in my place would you send fer 
a detective from the city ? 

Hast, {choking suddenly). Certainly not ! You can handle 
this alone. Why, Mr. Hincks, you can make yourself famous. 

HiNCKS. Yer think so ? You will help me ? 

Hast. Of course I will ! Now, I tell you what. The 
criminal is coming back here, so you see the thing for you to 
do is to keep watch for any suspicious-looking characters you 
see prowling around ; especially any coming in the direction of, 
this camp. Sh ! There's some one coming ! You come and 
see me later and I will tell you some more. (Dr. Edward 
Curtis enters c.) Hello, Ned ! Back again? Here's Mr. 
Hincks looking for Sam. 

Dr. C. How do you do, Mr. Hincks ? 

Hast. Aren't you going to wait for Sam, Mr. Hincks? 

Hincks. Nope ! I guess I'll travel along. I got a lot to 
do. I'll come back and see Sam later. [Exit, c. 

Enter Cal., l. 

Hast. Ned, this is Mr. Strickland. His father owns this 
camp and he came down here not knowing the place was occu- 
pied. I have invited him to join us oyer night, anyway. I 
knew you would be delighted. 

Dr. C. {surprised but cordial). Why, certainly. I'm glad 
to meet you, Mr. Strickland. {Shakes hands with him.) 

Cal. Thank you. I 

Hast, {grabbing Cal. by the arm). Come in this way, 
Mr. Strickland. I want to show you some pictures we have 
made of the camp. 

{Exeunt, R. Dr. C. looks after them puzzled.) 
Enter Curt, and Wilk., c. 

Curt. Say, Ned, there's a deuce of a row going on ! 
There's a man lost in the woods, and Jason LeBeau, a trapper, 
has been murdered in his shack across the lake, and 

Dr. C. Hush, David ! Do you want to kill Billy outright? 

Curt. Oh, has he come in ? 



ON THE QUIET I7 

Dr. C. Yes, and 

Enter Eng., Sam and Lee, c. Hast, enters r. Cal. comes 
to door^ R., and stands looking in, 

Eng. Not a trace of Mr. Calhoun can we find. 
Dr. C. Is he the man who is lost in the woods? 
Eng. Yes. 

Lee. I 'clares ter goodness we couldn* fin' him nohow. 
Harry Strickland {outside'). George ! George ! 
Eng. {to Lee). Some one is calling you. Probably that is 
Mr. Calhoun. 

Lee {startled). N-N-No, sah, dat ain' his voice. 

(Dr. C. opens door, c. Strick. enters. Strick. and Cal. 
should be made up to look very much alike. Strick. looks 
about with a vacant stare.) 

Dr. C. You are Mr. Calhoun ? 

Strick. Yes. 

Cal. (/// astonishment, stepping ifito room). The deuce 
you are ! 

Dr. C. And this is your servant, George ? 

Strick. Yes. 

Lee. I 'clares ter goodness 

Eng. {to Strick.). I'm glad you have found your way 
here. We have been out looking for you, and 

Enter Hincks. Foifits at Strick. 

HiNCKS. There you are ! I've got you ! And gosh all 
scissors, I've done it myself ! I reckon my name is made in 
this county ! 

Dr. C. Why, what are you talking about? This gentle- 
man is Mr. Calhoun, and 

HiNCKS. 1 don't give a tinker's whistle who he is, though 
I'm glad ter find out. That's his pal, George, been't it? 

Dr. C. It's his servant. 

HiNCKS {to Lee). Your name's George, been't it? 

Lee. Y-Y-Yas, sah, my name sho' is George, but 

HiNCKS. That will do ! I arrest both er yer in the name 
o' the law. 

Eng. Arrest them ? 

Dr. C. What for ? 

HiNCKS. For the murder of Jason LeBeau. 



l8 ON THE QUIET 

KiA. (excepting ^TRiCYi.). What? 

(Strick. appears indifferent.) 

HiNCKS. You might's well own up ! I've got ye ! You 
might jest's well confess. You murdered Jason LeBeau. 

Strick. {wearily, drawi?ig his hand across his eyes). Yes. 

HiNCKS. And George was with you when you did it ? 

Strick. Yes. 

Lee. 'Scuse me, sah, 'scuse me, but I wasn' nevah present 
on no sech 'casion. 

HiNCKS. Sam, you hike right over to Simpson's and tele- 
phone ter the city that it's a feller by the name o* Calhoun thet 
murdered Jason LeBeau, and 

Cal. I protest ! This is — is — is — an outrageous sounding 
story, and — and 

HiNCKS. I don't know who you are, young man, but 'pears 
ter me this ain't none o' yer business ! You go 'long, Sam, and 
say we'll keep Calhoun and George here until they send an 
officer for them. 

Sam. All right. [Exit, c. 

Lee. Yo' don' keep me-all ! {Starts for door.) Not if I 
knows it first ! 

(Curt, afid Wilk. hold him back.) 

HiNCKS. Hold on to him ! Don't let him get away ! 

(HiNCKS stands by door, c, to keep any one from getting out.) 

Cal. I protest against this whole business. I am Vincent 
Calhoun. (Points to Strick.) I don't know who this fellow 
is, but he's mighty nervy. He's not only using my name, but 
he is wearing my trousers. 

All {in asto7iishment). What? 

Hast. Don't pay any attention to this fellow, {hidicates 
Cal.) I hate to tell it but he is a trifle out. He has escaped 
from a sanitarium, and I am keeping him here until they send 
for him. 

Lee {trying to get a7vay from V^ii^K.). Wow! 

Cal. {puttijig his ha?id to his head and dropping into a 
chair). Great Caesar's Ghost ! 

CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — As curtain rises Dr. C. is walking up and down 
the room talking to CuRT., Wilk. ««^Eng., who are seated 
about the room. 

Dr. C. a nice state of affairs ! A nice state of affairs, I 
must say ! To bring a patient down here for rest and quiet, 
and have this hurrah going on ! An escaped lunatic, and a 
criminal and his accomplice right here in the house with us. 
Splendid company we are in ! Delightfully exclusive . And 
then we have to have a mystery as well. Somebody enters, 
heaven only knows how or when, and leaves a message on the 
wall! 

Curt. Well, Mr. Hastings doesn't know anything about 
that. 

Dr. C. It's a wonder ! It's a wonder that you didn't tell 
him ! Where's Sam ? 

Wilk. Mr. Hincks thinks he knows who the girl is who 
wrote the note that was left here, and he has sent Sam to see 
if he can find out where she is. He wants to get at her. 

Hast, {comifig to door, r.). I say, Ned, I have just thought 
of something important ! 

Dr. C. Billy, if you have an atom of common sense, go 
into that room, get a book and take your mind off the foolish- 
ness that's going on in this house. You can't help things a 
bit, and you can help yourself a whole lot by keeping out of 
this. 

Hast, (angrily). Any one would think that I am a baby ! 

[Exit. 

Dr. C. {looking after him). This will undo everything I 
have done. 

Eng. Ned, what do you say to looking our prisoners over ?" 
You know I can't make myself believe that Strickland is men- 
tally unbalanced. Does he look so to you ? 

Dr. C. I haven't observed him closely. My mind has been 
wholly occupied with Billy. 

Eng. Well, do lunatics ever appear perfectly sane? 

Dr. C. Oh, yes, very often. 

'9 



20 ON THE QUIET 

Hast, {coming to door). Say ! I think you might at least 
tell me who Jason LeBeau is ! 

Dr. C. Billy ! 

Hast. Well, I could tell you what to do ! You people are 
regular nuts ! That Calhoun fellow never killed any one, or 
the nigger either. I can't imagine why Calhoun would own up 
to the thing. 

Dr. C. Will you stop? 

Hast, (aggrieved). And Strickland is wearing my trousers. 

All. Your trousers ? 

Hast. Yes. If his mind is affected it's on the subject of 
clothes. He is wearing my trousers, and thinks Calhoun is 
wearing his. 

Dr. C. Billy, if you don't go in the other room and keep 
still, I'll lock you in there. [Exit Hast. 

Eng. What do you say to having our prisoners out here one 
at a time ? I want to ask some questions, and I want you to 
take notice of Strickland. I have an uneasy feeling in regard 
to this. Somehow I don't believe things are just as they appear 
to be. 

Hast. {comi7ig to door). Say ! Will you please tell Strick- 
land to be careful of my trousers ? They're my best ones. 
The most A. i tailor in Boston made them, and I simply dote 
on those trousers. 

WiLK. You don't honestly mean, Mr. Hastings, that Strick- 
land is wearing your trousers ? 

Hast. I honestly do. You go in there {pointing to roonij 
L.), and if my gray trousers are hanging in that curtained re- 
cess by the window, I'll give you a ten dollar bill. [Exit. 

Dr. C. If you are going to have your hearing out here, 
lock that door and keep Billy away. 

Eng. All right. {Locks door, r.) 

Hast, {from room, r., shaking door). Oh, you just wait ! 
I'll get even ! 

Eng. David, you go in and stay with the prisoners, and 
send Mr. Hincks out here. While you are in there find out if 
what Billy says about his trousers is true. 

Curt. All right. [Exit, l. 

Eng. Harland, you know shorthand ? 

Wilk. Fairly well. 
■ Eng. You can be court stenographer and take down the 
evidence. I will be prosecuting attorney, and Ned, you can act 
as judge. 



ON THE QUIET 21 

Enter Hincks, l. 

HiNCKS. That young chap says you want ter see me. 

Eng. Yes. Sit down a few minutes. We thought perhaps 
you would tell us how you happened to arrest Calhoun. How 
did you find out that he was the guilty man ? 

Hincks {importantly'). Wal, yer see, after the boys give me 
that ere note, I wuz a-goin' ter telephone ter the city fer help 
on the case, but — er — something changed my mind, and 

Eng. What was the something that changed your mind? 

Hincks {^glancing uneasily toward door^ r.). Oh — er — 
nothin.' Jest nothin' at all I 

Eng. a minute ago you said something. Now you say 
nothing. What do you mean ? 

Hincks. Wal, er — ^jest a sort of a feeling that I might be 
able ter handle the case myself. 'Cause I knew if I could I'd 
be made in this county, an' I reckon I be all right. 

Eng. I see. All right ; after you had this sort of feeling, 
what did you do next ? 

Hincks. Wal, I thought I'd go over ter Jason's shack and 
view the ree-mains. 

Eng. {in astonishment). Hadn't you been? Were you 
working on a case without first visiting the scene of the crime ? 

Hincks. Why, gosh all scissors ! I hedn't hed the time to 
go over. I wuz jest gettin' round to it. 

Eng. How could you be sure that it was LeBeau who was 
murdered ? 

Hincks. Why, land o' Goshen ! Jed Peterson telephoned 
over and told me. 

Eng. All right. Go ahead with your story ! 

Hincks. Wal, I be if you'll keep still long enough. I cain't 
tell nothin' with you doin' all the talkin'. I wuz a-walkin' 
through the woods when I heern some one callin' "George! 
George ! " Wal, gosh all scissors ! I wuz excited, and my 
ears perked up some. I wuz a-lookin' fer a feller by the name 
o' George myself. Wal, I got where I could see who it wuz 
a-callin', an' I seed this Calhoun feller a-walkin' along and 
makin' funny motions in the air with his hands. Once in a 
while he'd stop an' call George, and then he'd wave his hands 
and yell "Jason LeBeau!" Wal, right then I hed another 
feelin' thet he wuz" the one that murdered LeBeau, an' it hed 
made him loony. Wiien he come within sight o' this place he 
got quieter, an' when I put it to him, he owned right up to it, 
and he ain't said a durned word since. 



22 ON THE QUIET 

Eng. That's all, Mr. Hincks. I'm very much obliged. 
Will you ask David to come here ? [^JSxif Hincks, l. 

Dr. C. {dryly). Mr. Hincks appears to be a man of un- 
usual /(f^//«^. 

Eng. So it would seem ; but his feelings seem to have led 
him right. 

Hast, {through the door). Don't forget, you precious bone- 
heads, that there is such a thing as circumstantial evidence. 

Eng. You might as well let him in here as to have him 
listening through the keyhole. 

Dr. C. He will get sick of it and go to bed. 

Enter Curt. 

Curt. It's just as Mr. Hastings says. His trousers are not 
there. 

WiLK. That's strange, isn't it? 

Eng. Dave, tell Mr. Calhoun to come out here. (Curt. 
exits L., and returns with Strick.) Mr. Calhoun, sit down, 
won't you ? We want to prove to you that we feel friendly 
toward you, and want to help you if we can. You have con- 
fessed that you murdered Jason LeBeau ? 

Strick. {listlessly). Yes. 

Eng. Why? 

Strick. (vaguely). Why — why — why 

Eng. [regarding him intently). Why did you hate LeBeau 
enough to kill him? 

Strick. Hate — hate {Fiercely.) Yes, I hate Jason 

LeBeau ! 

Eng. Why? 

Strick. My father — my father [Suddenly puts his 

hand to his head.) I'm tired. 

Eng. Jason LeBeau wronged your father? 

Strick. {starting up fiercely). Yes ! Yes, he did ! He 
did! 

Dr. C. {soothi?igly, placi7ig his hand on ^tricv..*?, shoulder). 
There! Nevermind! (7b Eng.) Better quit, Tom. 

Eng. Yes, just a minute. You are Mr. Calhoun ? 

Strick. Yes. 

Eng. And George is your servant ? 

Strick. Yes. 

Eng. That's all. (Dr. C. opens door, l., and Strick. 
exits.) He's mad as a March hare, isn't he? 



ON THE QUIET 23 

Dr. C. No, he isn't. His mind is only slightly affected. 
Some shock did it, possibly the killing of LeBeau, and something 
will bring him to himself again like that. {Snaps his Jifigers?) 

Eng. Then you don't think he was deranged when he killed 
LeBeau ? 

Dr. C. Why, I can't say. We don't know any of the cir- 
cumstances of the kiUing. Our worthy constable hasn't had 
time to find out. Who do you want next ? This grows inter- 
esting. 

Eng. We had better have Mr. Strickland. 

[Exit Curt, l. 

WiLK. {laughifig). This reminds me of when I used to 
play clap in and clap out ! 

Enter Curt., with Cal. 

Eng. Won't you sit down, Mr. Strickland? 

Cal. (airily). Thanks, gentle sir. The pleasure is wholly 
mine. 

Eng. Mr. Strickland, I wanted to ask you why you are 
wearing Mr. Hastings' trousers ? 

Cal. Are they his ? I didn't know who they belonged to. 
His taste is excellent. 

Eng. I asked you why you were wearing them ? 

Cal. Oh ! Well, you see, I didn't have any of my own, 
and it was embarrassing to go around without any. 

Eng. Where were yours ? 

Cal. (zvith a glance to room, l.). My roommate borrowed 
mine. Likewise the money which was in them. I've lost my 
money, my trousers, my name, my reputation, and my mind 
since I came to the happy hunting-ground. Would you, oh, 
would you give me my money back again ? It's a slight favor 
I ask of you, gentle sir, but grant thou my request ! 

{All begin to get uneasy y and Dr. C. is decidedly interested.) 

Dr. C. Mr. Strickland, of what does this room remind 
you ? Try to think if you have ever been here before. What 
does the room make you think of? 

Cal. Think? Think? Ah, me ! The task you set me is 
a fearful one ! 'Tis hard to think ! Harder for you than it is 
for me. Think with me and perhaps I can do it better. Now, 
while I count ten who will have an answer ready ? One — two — 
three — four — five — six — seven — eight — nine — ten ! I have it ! 
This room reminds me of the cage of monkeys at the zoo ! I 



24 ON THE QUIET 

win ! I beat you ! You never got an answer at all ! I told 
you it was harder for you to think than for me. 

Eng. Where did you get Mr. Hastings' trousers ? 

Cal. Sh ! 'Tis a secret ! You'll promise not to give me 
away ? 

Eng. Certainly. 

Cal. I picked them. 

All. Picked them ? 

Cal. Yes. I found them growing on a rose-bush in the 
garden. I heard them. 

Eng. Heard them ? 

Cal. Yes ; they were so loud they attracted ray attention. 

Eng. I — I — I guess that will do, Mr. Strickland. You 
may go. Oh, just one more question. Do you still think you 
are Vincent Calhoun ? 

Cal. Alas ! No ! That name has been taken by another. 
I shall have to find a new name. I think I will be either Jonah 
or the whale. I can't seem to decide, but I think I will be the 
whale. \^Exit^ l. 

Curt. Heavens ! Isn't he daft? 

Dr. C. Yes, very flighty, but I imagine only at times. I 
believe you thought, Tom, that he appeared quite sane. 

Eng. Yes, but I take it back. 

WiLK. He's some fun just the same. 

Hast, {through the door). Oh, you poor benighted beings 
with heads of solid ivory ! You told that fellow he was dippy, 
and he is only giving you your money's worth. He isn't half 
as dippy as you are. 

Curt. Shall I get the coon ? 

Eng. Yes. {Exit Curt., l.) I'm afraid our investiga- 
tion won't lead us far with half our witnesses somewhat out in 
the upper story. 

WiLK. {co7isnlting his notes). Oh, I don't know. We have 
discovered that Calhoun hated LeBeau, and we can attribute a 
motive for the crime. {With a chuckle.) Also that Mr. 
Strickland picked his trousers off a rose-bush. 

Enter Curt., with Lee. 

Eng. Now, George, — er — what is your other name? 

Lee. I'se got tree others, sah. Mah name's George Jeffer- 
son Henry Lee. 

Eng. Indeed ? Do you realize that there is a very serious 
charge against you ? 



ON THE QUIET 25 

Lee. Yas, sah. It suttinly 'pears dat way, sah. 

Eng. You admit that you work for Mr. Vincent Calhoun ? 

Lee. Yas, sah, I does. 

Eng. And yet you say that you know nothing about his 
killing Jason LeBeau ? 

Lee. No, sah, I suttinly doesn', nor he doesn't, neither. 
Dat am a pufectly scanlous tale, sah. Mr. Calhoun is a bery 
nice genleman, an' he nevah made no practice o' killin' his 
friends, not nevah while I'se worked fo' him. 

Eng. You claim that you lost Mr. Calhoun in the woods, 
and that this fellow who says he is Calhoun is somebody else ? 

Lee. Yas, sah. He ain' Mr. Calhoun at all, sah. 

Eng. Well, how do you account for the fact that he was 
calling you out there in the woods, and that he says you are 
his servant ? 

Lee. I 'clares ter goodness, sah, I don' count fer it nohow. 
It am puffectly extraumptious. 

Eng. And this other fellow who has stolen Mr. Hastings' 
trousers ? What do you think of him ? 

Lee. I 'clares ter goodness, sah, I don' know what ter think 
'bout him. He am puffectly extraumptious, too, sah ! I tinks 
it am bery unfortunatual thet Mr. Calhoun an' me evah come 
a huntin* in dese woodses. 'Twan't nothin' I evah wanted to 
do. It wuz his idea, an* I alius tort it was a powerful silly one. 

Eng. How long have you known Jason LeBeau ? 

Lee {t7idig}ia?itly). How Ion's I known him? I nevah hed 
the aquaintencement of no sech pussen in mah life. 

Eng. You never saw him ? 

Lee. No, sah, I nevah did, an' I'se powerful glad uv it. 

Eng. Did you ever hear Mr. Calhoun speak of him ? 

Lee. No, sah, I didn't. I'll bet he don' know any sech 
pussen any bettah dan I does. We-all's from de Souf, sah, 
an' we doesn' know many peoples up dis way. 

Eng. Well, I hope what you say is true, George. I hope 
the right Mr. Calhoun will come along pretty soon and prove 
your innocence. 

Lee. Yas, sah, I hopes so mahself. 

Eng. That's all. {^Exit Lee, l. 

Dr. C. Not much help from that direction. 

Eng. No. He appears innocent enough. I don't believe 
he ever killed a mosquito in his life. 

Sam {outside^ knocking at door). Let me in, please. 

(Curt, opens door^ c, and Sam enters.) 



26 ON THE QUIET 

Dr. C. AVell, Sam, you look pretty well tired out. 
Sam {dropping into a chair). I am. 
Curt. What luck ? 

Eng. Did you find out anything about the girl ? 
Sam. Yes, sir. She's gone away. She had trouble with 
LeBeau 



All. When ? 

Sam. Over a month ago. 

Eng. And is that when she went away ? 

Sam. Yes, sir. She ain't been around here for a long 
while. 

Eng. Well, that lets her out. She didn't write the note. 

Sam. While I was over to Simpson's, Mr. Hatch telephoned 
up from the store. He said it was too bad, but you people 
would have to keep Calhoun and Strickland over night. That 
there couldn't no one get out here after them before to-morrow 
morning. And a durned queer thing. He wanted to know if 
I noticed whether Mr. Strickland was wearing any trousers. 
Did you ever hear the like ? I told him, sure he was. Light 
ones. He said they told him at the sanitarium that they didn't 
think he had any on. He had a long coat with him, but 
seemed to have left all of his trousers in his room. 

WiLK. Well, I guess that's why he stole Billy's. 

Eng. Yes, one thing accounted for. 

Dr. C. We might as well lock up and go up to bed as long 
as no one is coming out here to-night. \^Exit Wilk., r. 

Eng. Yes, that's right. I'm ready to. I'm dead tired. 
You tell your father, Sam, there are several cots in there and 
plenty of bedding. \^Exit Sam, l. 

Wilk. {entering^.). Say, what do you know ? Mr. Hast- 
ings is dead asleep. 

Dr. C. I knew he would be. Come ! We will go up 
quietly and not disturb him. 

{They turn out the light and ex eufity R. They leave the door 
slightly open. There is one ray of light across the stage 
from this door. After a slight pause the door at c. is 
softly tried ; tried again more forcibly; some one begins to 
work on the lock. Hast, enters R. He carries a lighted 
candle which he places on the table. He wears a bath robe. 
He listens a second.) 

Hast, {softly, looking up at head). Alonzo, they think I 
sleep. Not so ! While they sleep I do a little detective work. 



ON THE quIET 2/ 

{Suddenly discovers that some one is workitig on the lock ; 
listens ; goes to the mantel a?id takes up a revolver which 
is lying there; listens ; exits R. The door is gently 
forced open. Jason LeBeau enters. He is a Cana- 
dian, rather short and heavily built. He carries a 
leather bag and a pocket flash-light ; listens ; moves cau- 
tiously forward, stopping to listen several times ; moves a 
chair under the head, steps onto the chair, moves the head 
to one side, thrusts his hand back of the head and takes 
out several sjnall bags and a lot of papers which he puts 
into the bag he carries. Hast, steps quietly ifito the room 
and stands watching him. Strick. enters L. His entrance 
attracts LeB.'s attention. He turns. ^ 

LeB. Harry Strickland ! 

Strick. {looking at him a second in wonder, and then sud- 
denly throwing his arms above his head with a wild gesture). 
LeBeau ! Jason LeBeau ! 

LeB. {with a snarl, ju?nping down from chair and starting 
for Strick.). Think you've got me, do you? 

Hast, (jumping forward and leveling his revolver at LeB. ). 
Stop ! Look out ! Hands up ! (LeB. throws his hands up 
and shrinks back. Strick. stands looking about in asto?iish- 
ment ; draws his hand across his eyes several tifnes. Hast., 
at the top of his voice.) Mr. Hincks ! Ned! Tom! Fel- 
lows ! The house ! The house ! Come down ! All of you ! 

Enter Hincks and Sam, Cal. and Lee, l. Dr. C, Eng., 
Curt, and Wilk. rush in r. All are in various stages 
of undress ; several wear bath robes. 

Hincks. Land o* Goshen ! 

Dr. C. What on earth ? 

Eng. Billy, what is it? 

Hast. Mr. Hincks, I've caught your criminal for you ! 

Hincks {with a wild look at LeB.). Why, gosh all scissors 1 
You ain't ketched the man that done it ! You've ketched the 
man that was murdered ! 

Strick. I don't seem to understand. I — I don't know you 
gentlemen, do I ? I have been ill. Is my father up-stairs ? 
Where is George ? 

Lee. I'se r-r-right here, but you am puffectly correct, sah, 
yo'-all don' know me. 



28 ON THE QUIET 

Dr. C. (looking a/ Stiuck. intently). Mr. Calhoun 

Hast. He isn't Calhoun. He is Harry Strickland. 

Strick. Yes, 1 am Harry Strickland. What has hap- 
pened ? Why are you all here ? 

Dr. C. (quietly^ leading Strick. toward door, r.). Come 
in here with me. 

Hast. Better make sure of your prisoner, Mr. Hincks. 
Got some hand-cuffs ? 

Hincks. Yep, but I think they's on the kitchen mantel. 

Hast. Well, get them. 

Hincks. Gosh all scissors ! I don't mean here. I mean 
the mantel down ter my house. 

Hast. Oh, good-night ! 

Hincks. Nope ! Here they be ! (Takes them from his 
pocket.) I'm on my job fer onct ! (Starts for LeB.) 

LeB. No, you don't ! 

Hast, {shakifig his revolver in LeB.'s/^^^). Oh, yes, he 
does ! 

Hincks (putting the handcuffs ontolj^B.). Land o' Goshen, 
I thought you wuz dead ! 

LeB. Yes, you old fool, I knew you would think so when I 
sent the message. You ain't any more fit to be a constable 
than 

Hast. There, cut out that line of talk. It is Mr. Hincks 
that is going to deliver you into the hands of the law. Mr. 
Hincks, your reputation is made all right. This man is wanted 
for several reasons. 

Hincks. He is ? What's he been a-doin' ? 

Hast. Stealing from traps that he didn't set, stealing from 
banks, smuggling, and this is where he has been hiding his 
booty. (Foints to leather bag.) He's caught right with the 
goods. I suppose he thought his enmity with Strickland's 
father would throw all suspicion off this place. Things were 
getting too hot for you, weren't they, LeBeau ? You thought 
you would spring a sensation, and in the general excitement 
you would take your hard-earned savings and get out. With 
the story abroad that you were dead, there wouldn't be any one 
watching for you, and by the time people woke up to the fact 
that you had hoodwinked them, you would be miles away and 
no one know in which direction you went. You are a pretty 
slick one ! 

LeB. (admiringly). Not half as slick as you are yourself. 
I take off my hat to you. 



ON THE QUIET 2() 

Eng. We all do, but I don't see how you know all this, 
Billy. You surely aren't guessing it ? 

Hast. No. There has been a number of appeals for help 
sent to Joe Blain's detective agency from trappers down this 
way, and twice from Canadian banks. They suspected LeBeau, 
but couldn't prove anything against him. Joe sent a man down 
here to work on the case for a while. He didn't accomplish 
anything, for LeBeau got wise and was as innocent as a three- 
year-old child. When I heard the name LeBeau this after- 
noon I couldn't think where I had heard it before. To-night 
it dawned on me all of a sudden, and when I saw him standing 
on that chair flirting with Alonzo I knew the truth at once. 

HiNCKS (/^ Hast.). Young man, I — I — you — you can't 
understand 

Hast, (^patting Hincks on the shoulder). That's all right. 
I guess you can set these fellows free {indicating Cal. ^z/^Lee), 
and guard this other one. Look out for him, for he is the 
genuine article. Forward march, LeBeau ! Your game is up 
for a while. Just stick your chest right out, Mr. Hincks 1 
You are the greatest man in the county ! 

[^^//LeB., i..^ followed by Hincks. 

WiLK. But Mr. Hastings, there was a note that was found. 
I wonder if LeBeau wrote that. 

Hast. I suppose I shall have to own up. That was just a 
little joke of mine, and it happened to fit in at just the right 
time. 

Curt. You wrote that note ? 

Hast. Guilty, your honor. 

Etiter Dr. C, r. 

Dr. C. What I want to find out is how that fellow from the 
store happened to identify this gentleman (indicating Cal.) 
as Mr. Strickland. 

Hast. Easy. If you will take the trouble to look at them 
you will discover a resemblance, and Hatch hadn't seen Strick- 
land for years. 

Cal. Well, perhaps now you will believe that I am Vincent 
Calhoun, and this is my servant, George. 

Lee. Yas, sah, dose am de facts. 

Enq. I guess we will believe almost anything after the events 
of the evening, even that you picked Billy's trousers off a rose- 
bush. You had your little joke at our expense, perhaps you 



30 ON THE QUIET 

will be kind enough to explain how you happened to be in our 
house making free with our personal belongings. 

Cal. Perhaps you will think I am having another flighty 
spell, but it is the truth that I went in swimming, George went 
to sleep, and evidently Mr. Strickland came along and stole my 
trousers. Also my money. We came in here wondering what 
to do and I started to borrow a pair of trousers. I honestly 
meant to return them to-morrow. Events have happened so 
rapidly since that I have lost count. Please accept my apol- 
ogy, Mr. Hastings. I will return your trousers as soon as I 
can procure another pair. 

Hast. Don't mention it. 

Cal. Just why did Strickland take mine? 

Dr. C. Well, the officials at the sanitarium think he didn't 
wear any when he left there. We can never know, but we can 
guess how he happened to take yours. 

Hast. Do you think his reason is restored ? 

Dr. C. It looks that way. I don't dare to say much to 
him yet. It seems his mental trouble was caused by an illness 
he had here several years ago. Something happened between 
his father and LeBeau just at that time which left a strong im- 
pression on his mind. The sudden shock of meeting LeBeau 
face to face, after we had talked to him as we did about LeBeau, 
acted upon his brain and caused an awakening. 

Eng. Well, then, some good has come out of all this fool- 
ishness. 

Hast. A whole lot of good. I am cured, too ! I never 
felt better in my life ! 

Dr. C. You incorrigible scamp, I told you not to mix in 
this affair ! The next time you have a breakdown I am going 
to take you to New York, where there isn't so much going on. 
Deliver me from the Maine woods if you want a patient to have 
a rest On the Quiet, 



CURTAIN 



New Entertainments 



OUR CHURCH FAIR 

A Farcical Entertainment in Two Acts 
By Jessie A, Kelley 
Twelve females. Costumes modern ; scenery unimportant. Plays a«, 
hour and a quarter. A humorous picture of the planning of the annua! 
church fair by the ladies of the sewing circle. Full of local hits and 
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Price f 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS . 

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Mrs. Jackson, the president of Mrs. Ridgely, sensitive, 

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Mrs. Brett, on the dinner com- mittee, 

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Mrs. Lewis, the minister* s wife. Mrs. Drew, just married, 

THE RIVAL CHOIRS 

An Entertainment in One Scene 

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Seven males, four females. Costumes eccentric ; scenery unimportant. 
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Price, 2S cents 

A THIEF IN THE HOUSE 

A Comedy in One Act 
By R, M, Robinson 
Six males, one playing a female character (colored). Costumes modern . 
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Price f 2S cents 



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THE PRIVATE TUTOR 

A Farce in Three Acts 

By E, J. Whisler 

Five male, three female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two 
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Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Fred Spencer, who believes that experience is the best teacher. 

George Carothers, his chum, who also seeks experience. 

Mr. Spencer, his father, who owns an oil well. 

Hans Dinklederfer, his undoing, the leader of a little German 

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Richard, servant at the Spencers'. 
Mrs. Spencer, Ned' s mother, who feels the responsibility of the oil 

well and has social aspirations. 
Dolly Spencer, his sister, who has a rnind of her own. 
Miss Snap, a detective. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Fred Spencer's rooms at Clearfield College. 
Act II. — The Spencer home. One week after Act I. 
Act III. — The Spencer home. Ten minutes after Act II. 



MISS PARKINGTON 

A Farce in One Act 

By May E. Countryman 

One male, three female characters. Costumes modern ; scene, an easy 
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Price^ IS cents 



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Price, SO gc'Jts each 

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A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE Sr,'Lls,fJa"fe4?^l: 

Costumes, modprii ; Bcene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



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